by Leah20 May 19, 2006
category :
Sadness, depression /
about death
The glossy diamonds slipping through |
by Kaila
I think the phrase sliiping through is used too much in the first stanza. The rhyming threw me. You had end rhyme then every other line then back to hard core rhyme for the last word in the last stanza. I didn't like how the flow was mixed up. I thought the first stanza was pretty good with the third but the second one didn't fit. Just a few little things. Nice job |
by kia
Short and straight to the point. Well thought out and written. |