Today i found myself doing something i didnt want to do..
i try to controll my feelings not wanting to hurt you
but sometimes the words you speak aren\'t enough to controll actions that are so hard to stop..
i want to make all the pain inside go away
so i cut the outside, hoping that my action will let me live the next day
not knowing anything about why i\'m doing it
all i i know is when i do it i feel better..
sometimes im scared that i wont be able to controll it...
that someday i will hurt so bad, and want that feeling to go away,
that i will do something that i regret.
The thing that scares me the most..
not that i cant controll it,
but that everytime it goes one step further.
everytime the razor hits this skin..
drawing more blood than the time before..
i want to be normal again
i want to not feel so bad inside
and i want my scars to dissapear..
because everytime i see them
it just reminds me of it again...
and make it much harder to forget..
but untill that day..
the day that i can learn to deal with mmy pain inside..
the day that i can put the razor aside and say.. No i cant do this to myself anymore..
till that day has come, then im sorry to everyone that i may hurt in
the process of healing..
