Masks

Why can't I be happy?
nothing seems to make me the slightest bit happy any more.
i meet people but i keep things hidden.
every new person i meet is just another type of mask i have to form, build and put on.
i change mask at least 30 times a a day.
all my masks are hidden in a closet
one that no one will ever see....
the closet has a secret door,
that leads to a dark room
hidden behind the family mask,
in that door is the real me....
dusty and cracked.
it hasn't been touched in years
i dream at night about finally
unlocking the secret door, pulling out the mask, getting out a duster, dusting it and putting it on.
it is now shiny, and I'm a new person, happy and carefree
but then i wake up and realize

that is was just a dream.
martin Luther king Jr had a dream, and his came true...maybe mine will.
i have to change mask so many times...every day
but its better than letting people see the real me.
i let people believe I'm happy instead of deep down sad.
I'm mask less at night when i cut myself, even thought when i wear the real me mask i cut.
but i have to make a new mask for every new persona i meet...
no one knows the real me any more.....