Satisfaction.?

Faithfully sitting by the phone would be smart to do
considering that the next person to call would be you,
but i won't hurt myself more
as i just stand in the background.
i don't want it to be like this but it has to end
i don't wanna be just like any other trend,
i don't wanna feel used and abused.
I'm not just gonna wait for eternity for someone who won't be coming anytime soon,
i don't wanna love someone who won't be true.
so I'm doing what i do best
and that's leaving you
I'll be leaving this cruel world and this deranged point of view.
just gotta take out my pen and paper
i gotta write this little love letter,
i fold it up and put it by my bedside
i take out my razor and turn off the night light.
guilt overcoming me
i don't seem to see,
i cut and cut in order to numb it all,
to make sure i wouldn't catch myself fall.
a nice cut here
a nice cut there,
just cut cut cut
the real question is what?
what am i doing and why is it important?
forget about the reasons why and how deep
the point being,
is how I'm trying not to let all of the pain seep
as i cut a couple more times
i couldn't help but feel all the blood gushing out of all the deep lines
if I'm dying today
it's ok.
because i had said all that i wanted to say.