Food, its what i lack

Here i am, with my parents
At the dinner table
soon i have to get up
and keep this promise I made myself stable

i walk into the bathroom
turn around, lock the door
pull my hair back
put me knees down on the floor

two fingers down my throat
trying not to be to loud
i don't care if this is the wrong thing to do
why would it be, its making me feel proud?

gagging, here i sit choking
sickening, throwing up flesh
till i can't take it anymore
Till I'm pretty enough, I don't care if i don't ever take another breath

loosing weight continuously
skin flesh, and bones
soon to decay in the ground
my body, to be left alone

still i never can stop
not until I'm pretty enough
not until they stop laughing at me
telling me " why don't you just throw up?"

possibilities of me dying
but still here i am
leaned over in a bathroom stall
things going as I planned

weeks later I'm feeling dizzy
starting to have panic attacks
trying to eat but i can't
food, its what i lack.

This isn't that good
I'm sorry

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