The good times...
by becki May 25, 2006
|
It used to be better.. we went on holiday with each other. the wind in our hair and the sand at our feet. we used to cuddle up close near to each other's heart. but it all changed from when we got back from that holiday...he started to like another girl.. he told me before that he hated her and wanted nothing to do with her. i believed him. but i shouldn't have. she started flirting with him and acting like they were just friends. but nearly every night.. he came back late.. i asked him where he had been. he *LIED* to me. it turns out.. that she didn't know that we were together.. it wasn't *HER* fault......it was *HIS* |
Did You Like This Poem?
Latest Comments
-
18 years ago
by hazzi
Luv yah poem hunni keep up the gud work!! remember to keep reading mine lolz ill write the one about humphrey now lolz!!
xxxx
xxxx -
18 years ago
by Fixxxer
It's more difficult to arrange stressed/unstressed syllables if your using too many small words... cutting them out can make the flow better.. but if your very careful with your wording you don't have to omit a lot.
-
18 years ago
by paddy
Hey beckie,
i read your poem as promised i think its a good poem but could do with small changes like "i asked him where he had been. he *LIED* to me"
instead of saying he lied to me just say he lied as sometimes making a statement can be best done by simple means
instead of saying It used to be better say it used to be great going on holiday with one another
but it all changed from when we got back from that holiday... again but that all changed when we got back
sometimes becky its better not to write a full sentance to cut words short ect.....
it often makes the poem more powerful to the reader
i hope my comments will help you you have got a talent you have just got to learn how to work around it it takes time i still have not fully learnt
i'll be keeping a watch out for new poems from you and i cant wait to see how you come on your very good
take care
lorna
xxxxx
