Hey beckie,
i read your poem as promised i think its a good poem but could do with small changes like "i asked him where he had been. he *LIED* to me"

instead of saying he lied to me just say he lied as sometimes making a statement can be best done by simple means

instead of saying It used to be better say it used to be great going on holiday with one another

but it all changed from when we got back from that holiday... again but that all changed when we got back

sometimes becky its better not to write a full sentance to cut words short ect.....
it often makes the poem more powerful to the reader
i hope my comments will help you you have got a talent you have just got to learn how to work around it it takes time i still have not fully learnt
i'll be keeping a watch out for new poems from you and i cant wait to see how you come on your very good
take care
lorna
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It's more difficult to arrange stressed/unstressed syllables if your using too many small words... cutting them out can make the flow better.. but if your very careful with your wording you don't have to omit a lot.

Luv yah poem hunni keep up the gud work!! remember to keep reading mine lolz ill write the one about humphrey now lolz!!
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