From my mouth to yours

There's things I wish I could show you
And some things i'm glad that I can't
For if you saw me in all my glory
I know that it would be the last

But then... you could see the damage
Maybe then you'd understand
You'd see why I have to do this
You'd help me up, when I can't stand

You'd know where this hatred comes from
And how it's not aimed at you
But because I'm all I see, I'm stuck
Left miserable, alone, with no clue

For years and years I'm decaying
I get afraid there's not much of me left
Occasionally I ponder
How easier it would be, to be dead

But I know I'm never going there
I love too many... too much
I also know whomever I love
I could never ever be enough

A rollercoaster of emotions
But this ride... won't ever end
My stomach's getting queasy
Lost in this broken trend

I know this poem has no point to it
I just wanted to write
To put down thoughts and feelings
I keep suppressed until the night