Words on a piece of paper.

What am I suppose to do in this situation? Am I suppose to act like I don\'t care? Am I suppose to be pissed off? Am I suppose to let them see I\'m sad? What should I do, I have no fkn clue. What if I react the exact way they want me to, and that\'s what they love about the situation? I don\'t want to give them the joy of breaking me down. But I want them to know I\'m hurt. Wtf am I talking about? I don\'t want THEM to know this.. I want HIM to know exactly how he made me feel, how he makes me feel. Why does everything have to be so fkn confusing? Why do people have to play with my head, my feelings? Wow. holy fk, I\'m acting like her. Last thing I want to do is turn out like her. Well maybe it wouldn\'t be so bad.. maybe then he\'d notice me more? maybe he would care about me more? Is that what I have to do? Be like her? But she\'s everything I hate right now. Why is this so confusing? See what this does to me.. I don\'t even wanna be myself anymore. I don\'t even know who I am anymore. Wtf. This is so gay. How can someone hurt you this bad without even noticing it? He cared when she got hurt, that\'s why I\'m going through all of this. But when I get hurt, he doesn\'t give a living shiot. FK. Why, Why, WHY. Urgh. Do I actually deserve all of this? Did I do anything wrong? Am I that much of a bad person? I\'ve never wanted to hurt anyone, I just wanted to be happy..He seemed happy too, said he was too. Wtf happened to that? Did he lie to me or actually meant it, but went away the next day? How does that make sense? You love someone one day and the next you don\'t? Does that mean it was all a bunch of lies? and I was stupid enough to believe it. No, I saw all of this coming. Why did I get myself into this mess? Wow, I don\'t know who to blame anymore. This is so fkn hard. I never would of thought it would of been this hard to handle. I never knew someone could mean this much to me after knowing them for less than a year. He did this to me twice already. Wtf is up with that? Does he enjoy hurting people? Because he said he hates hurting people. Did he lie about that too? What has he said and meant it? I don\'t know what to believe anymore. Yeah, I\'m still up this late thinking about this. I\'ve been crying, thinking about this forever now. I\'m scared to go back to school on Tuesday. I\'m scared to see them together and then get hurt. Why does he have to do this? I hate him so fkn much but then I love him so much. How can two opposite feelings get mixed together? It doesn\'t go together. It doesn\'t work. So many people have tried to help me with this. Why can\'t any of their advice work? Is it meant to hurt? Well, I know love is meant to hurt, but I didn\'t know caring for someone hurt this much. Wow, this is enough for tonight. I hate this piece of fkn paper.