Wow reallygood even tho its not ehat happend to you i think its shows the feeling and thoughts of everyone who goes thru that
great work ,keep it up
5/5
lovelove
alice
xxxx

One word: BEAUTIFUL keep up the good work. by ebye

That was really enjoyable to read, the rhyming was excellent,

thought you did a great job and I will be reading through more of your poems

well done x

This is a sad one, fictional or not, it still has that emotion and powerful touch to it. I really enjoed this one as well.

This poem is so sad and filled with so much emotion. Great job in writing this one! 5/5 Keep up the good work!

-Stephanie-

Reall good stuff
Touched me
Oh yeah, Thanks for the comment on alternate universe
It helped alot
I love constructive critisism =)
Anyway - This poem has been written really well, i cant find many, if any faults =)

This is very well written, the flow is seamless and the rhyming natural and unforced. The structure and content run well making for an easy read which maintains a sense of depth despite it simplicity. It is especially impressive as you say it is fictional yet the expressions are so powerful and seem very real.
Very well written

5/5

Wow.. Very well written. I loved reading it. The flow and rhyming were really good. There was a lot of emotion in it even though it didn't happen to you, I find it hard to write about stuff that doesn't happen to me. Anyways, you did a great job on this! Keep it up!

Whew, good to read it was fictional. I don't think I know anyone who wants to be used by another person. That really did add an element to the poem. The only thing I can suggest is, don't ever use 'But' to start the 3rd line in a verse. Usually when people write 4 line verses, the 1st and 2nd line are combined and 3rd and 4th are combined. When you start off with 'but' in the 3rd, it's like you're going against the rules.. these rules are totally unwritten, but they make sense!! lol Good stuff though, got me thinking.

I really like it...using the words "mum" and "Daddy" are very good because they add that personal touch of emotion.
keep it up!

RUBY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
this poem is simply amazing. no other words to describe it. NO complaints whatsoever. it was just amazing. I loved it and it kept my attention throughout the whole thing. Great job, dear, keep it up. I can`t wait to go r/r/c some of your other poems!!
Thanks for r/r/c mine!!
Great job, keep it up please!!!
5/5

Samantha Hollywood

Very nicely written, great emotions

For a fictional poem it sure is laced with emotions a young girl would feel.
I liked this write as it was original yet so true. The imagery of this pained young girl flashes in my mind while reading.

Only one suggestion:
Take me and love me
Who you are I don't care
Only when I'm desired
Can this emptiness I bare
for the last line it may read easier if you had something like this:
Fills this emptiness I bare

Other than that line the flow was great and it was a fantastic read! 5/5

That was very sad..i loved it tho it was filled with great and inspiring emotions! You could really tell it came from your heart!! great job

The fact that this is fictional only serves to make it better: you have a vivid imagination. I'm not sure about the title, myself. I know it's ironic... but there's just something about the needy aspect of it that doesn't run well with the concept of the text.

Wow for a fictional poem there is so much emotion in it. It's awesome I really like it best one so far.........-ann

Very sad.
:(
5/5
srry i didnt see this one i wouldve commented e\AGES ago.
~Emah
xoxox

I'm with Ed on this. The title doesn't really fit the concept of the poem. However, as I read it, I could see that the reality of the situation was that you wanted to be "Daddy's Girl"

The flow of the poem itself, was good and the messaged conveyed was excellent. Well done.

Another great poem by you, you are a great poet and i really enjoy reading your poems, keep up the great work like always. 5/5

Well i can relate in a way! my dad doesnt love me,,, and i dont care... i live my life always...