Faded Lip-gloss.

An awkward smile pressed to my lips.
A fake laugh seeping from my mouth.
I try to act happy, it hurts.
But you see right through lies.
You know I'm faking.
You want to help, but what is there to do?
I wake up in the morning, motivation not there.
There is no reason for me to be here.
I am not going to kill myself, no.
That is the cowards way.
I need an escape.
I need to get away.
Away from it all, turning back when I am ready.
You smell the vodka on my breath.
It disgusts you.
But what can I do?
You see my bloodshot eyes.
Bags embroidering them.
It hurts you, I know.
But it hurts me too.
I have prayed for an easy way out my friend.
I have been to hell and back.
Just to hear the words that i hate.
"I love you."
I am afraid of commitment.
I am afraid of love.
I have been hurt way too much in the past.
I have a brick wall, blocking the path to my heart.
I will not tear it down, for one summer of love.
You have to work to get to it.
My scabbed back is getting worse.
And I choke back tears.
As I look in the mirror.
Mascara running down my face.
Faded lip-gloss decorating my awkward smile.

© Jenna Elphick
June 2, 2006