Dear mommy

Dear mommy,
I wish I could tell you
The way I really feel
Instead of keeping it bottled up inside
I hate that I have to hide
My scars behind these lies

I hate that I have to lie to you
But you just dont understand
You dont know what Im going through
But I wish you did so
You could hold my hand
Help my through this journey
To find my happiness

I cant stand the way
I have to fake
My smiles
Telling you I had a great time
When the whole time I was down
Almost to the point of crying

The real me is deep inside
The girl that loves to be herself
When the me on the out side
Is someone else

Ive never shown anyone
Who I am
I hard to when the only thing you like about yourself
Isnt you
I wish I could just let people see
One glimpse of the real me
But I know that Ill never be
Who I you want me to be

So I just put of my smile for the day
And take it off at night so I can cry my night away
You think Im happy
I guess Im a good actor
Cuz thats what I want you to see

I dont want my pain
To make you feel the same
You havent done a thing wrong
So just try to be strong

For me
For you
For the world around us
Youre not ready for the truth
So for now my screams are soundless

Maybe one day I can tell you of my pain
But until then I make it so
It seems are lives are the same

I want to tell you mommy
I really do
But to you its just words
You cant hear the pain through
My poems,
The music I listen to
To you its just a phase mommy
But its what Im really going through