Slipping

by ♥Diana Cardero ©♥   Jun 8, 2006


Hands slips as the heart tears
The room trembles in fear
It fears separation
And the shower of tears
That soon become
A woman's largest pain
To see him go
As love for another he might gain
She fears his presence
Will no longer be hers too
Two souls that became one,
Separate into a me and a you
So hold on to my precious jewel
As for it feels that soon
It will disappear
And I will be left alone to stare at the moon
No more nights
Kissing
Hugging
Or loving, only missing
All the above for stupid
Careless mistakes, we once made
Love, souls, cupid
It will no longer exist
Only pain and the devil will surround me
Without you I won't resist
The pressure on me
The hatred balanced on my shoulders
All that will happen is a collapse to set free
This injured soul
Who once loved
Who once was cared for
A soul left behind
Not wanted anymore

Diana Cardero ©

I wrote this poem because slowly I begin to feel that my only love in this life is slipping away from me. I'm trying to hold on, but I'm not strong enough. I wish he'd understand how much I cared and stopped being so stubborn.

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Latest Comments

  • 18 years ago

    by Sean Allen

    "Will no longer be hers too
    Two souls that became one,
    Separate into a me and a you"

    I liked the use of too/two close together, it was witty and interesting. The idea of the resplitting of the souls was also interesting, and well worded to fit the rhyme. Probably my favorite few lines from the poem.
    ~~~~
    "As for it feels soon"
    I feel like this line would sound more natural if it was:
    "As it feels that soon"
    ~~~~
    "All will happen is a collapse to set free"
    There should be a 'that' between 'all' and 'will' for this sentence to sound better.
    ~~~~
    I thought that the rhyme scheme was very natural, but that the poem lacked a rhythm. Though I like rhythmic poems, I don't suppose it is a bad thing if you purposefully chose not to have a rhythm, that is sort of your decision. If you wanted to establish a rhythm in this poem, it'd be all about making a rhythm scheme of lines with similar syllable counts. But no change is really necessary. Good poem.

  • 18 years ago

    by uponfairywings

    Beautiful poem I think you did a good job you can tell you put alot of your feelings and emotions into these words.

    xoxoxo
    Haley

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