Heavenly Hell

by Sarah Ann   Jun 8, 2006


There is this brand new road I'm taking
And still I look and keep debating
The streets look dark and lonely at night
How will I know if this is right?

I take a brand new step onto the scene
Promising myself that I'd come clean
Bargains were made, mistakes are gone
There's a new mission I must act upon

Each movement is like a burst of pain
The sky is grey and pouring rain
As I look around this gloomy place
I see only one familiar face

The girl is crying, he is around
Sitting near her on the ground
And it seems she has not any mind
As she decorates her skin with lines

I see the blood trickle and fall
He wears this silly smirk through all
I look on in horror as her eyes close
And promise myself it's just a doze

So I turn away, unable to look
Though the disgrace is printed in my book
I let another life just slip away
But I'm scared because he's strong today

My feet make footprints on the floor
And I am after him, I see once more
He walks into a quiet room
I know it; this is the young boy's doom

A pen and letter is in the boy's hand
He writes but I can't understand
And Satan; he whispers in his ear
I cry because I see he hears

The boy looks satisfied and glum
He turns around, picks up the gun
I try to scream but it has no tone
Once again, I left someone alone

I turn and stomp out of the place
Angered, again I see his face
He smiles and comes on to me
"Get away," I say, I beg, I plea

And suddenly, I feel the fire
An utmost burning harsh desire
As he tampers slowly with my view
And I know what I'm about to do

"No," I whisper a hurt good-bye...
"We had a deal, traitor, you lied!"
And his eyes say I've fell for it well
This road was Satan's heavenly hell.

-Please comment, and I will return the favor! =)-

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Latest Comments

  • 18 years ago

    by Staci

    Really great poem. It's easy to relate to. There's plenty of suicides here. And lots of attempts. But anyway, once again, really really great poem. I loved it. Keep up the good work.

  • 18 years ago

    by Daenerys Stormborn

    Wow great poem, you really have talent. I have been trying to write a poem like this for a week but I haven't been able to. I didn't have any idea where to begin so I gave up, but you have inspired me to try again. Please read some of my poems and comment, I really want to improve. Thank you!

  • 18 years ago

    by Darien

    Well I couldn't point out any further mistakes. Just go along with what Sean wrote.

    Still a very good poem, and it was packed with a lot of imagery, very creepy, but it was good.

  • 18 years ago

    by Jessica

    I love the title on this! it really drews the reader in.. i though this was amazing! good flow, lots of emotions, and incredible language! nice writee.. 5/5

  • 18 years ago

    by Sean Allen

    "Bargains were made, mistakes are gone
    There's a new mission I must act upon"

    good rhyme
    ~~
    "And it seems she has not any mind
    As she decorates her skin with lines"

    I think the first line sounds a bit funky...
    maybe:
    And it seems she is out of her mind"
    ?
    ~~
    "I look on in horror as her eyes close
    And promise myself it's just a doze"

    I didn't like the rhyme on the second line much, seemed forced and unnatural.
    ~~
    "And Satin; he whispers in his ear
    I cry because I see he hears"

    Satin? or Satan? they're both words, but it seems like the latter is what you want
    ~~
    "And his eyes say I've fell for it well
    This road was Satin's heavenly hell."

    Again, I think it should be Satan, not Satin.
    ~~
    I thought it was a really creative and interesting poem, filled with a lot of good rhymes. The rhymes that I thought were forced or unnatural (there weren't many) I pointed out for you. Good work.

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