I know i've already read this poem, but i dont know why i didnt comment :S. Anyways, you did a pretty good job on this, but there are some places that it doesnt flow as well, and the rhymes seem a bit forced. Other than that, i really liked the idea, it so sad and horrible, i really hope this didnt happen.

"I wake to see God above; Ive died so many times."

I really liked that line.

Great work.

--Steph

Wow. i dont know what to say, im speechless. this poem was really long, but i couldnt take my eyes from it. excellent job. i loved it. great rhyming, and it flowed so smoothly. 5/5
Driver

It is truly one of the best poem i have ever read
so much emotions put in it.
It s a srtong poem and a very sad stort. keep ur perfect job up
5/5

For such a long poem, it hooks the reader well. It actually shocked me in a good way. When I first started it, I thought it would be just like all the other abuse poems I've read on here, but I was wrong. You lost it about around this part, but picked it up again after in my opinion:
You were her guardian and you killed her.
Life just sucks then, doesnt it sir?

I stare at his eyes; I feel her pain.
Why did you tell her that? To make her insane?
She should be thanking me her father beat her.
I hold my stomach my mind is a blur.

I think that you could work on this part to improve the flow and continuity of it.
Now off to read part 2 :)

Wow.. that was absolutely amazing. Long, but definitely worth it. I can't wait to read Part 2.. I'll leave you a better comment on it, seeing as how I'm just too excited to read the second part to leave a good comment now. lol. But this definitely got a 5/5 from me!

Yes, Wonderful job indeed, a story within a poem. Very original job!

This is awsome i love this poem too! you got the imagination in writting poem! donno what to say than 5/5! i will read part 2 now!!!

keep it up!

It really is very good! 5/5 i can't wait to read the second poem! p.s. i think you misspelt soethingo on the secnd paragrah where you put 'he sees he there' i think it should be 'ne sees her there!

Ah. I just read the comment at the top. Please disregard my previous comment on that, I had no idea: sorry!

I love this poem too, starts sad and quickly grows dark.

This stanza almost sums up the entire poem, it seems.

The rules are if an Angel of Hell kills a girl from Earth,
That girl is hers, sealed with the end of her birth.
I grab her wrist tell her its for the best,
The pain it causes me, lies in my chest.

But you've really stuck to 'safe' words here, some variety might be good.

Other than that, I really like it. A long read but well worth it. 5/5.

Wow... great poem, i really enjoyed reading this! great work!

Pickle- the extra 5's were a tad unnecasary

~Murder.

Hey, Wow another amazing poem. Again Flow and meter are perfect. I agree wiht you this is your best poem!
Well Done amazing poem
~She Died Screaming

It was long but it was very good 5/5

Very, very, long poem. I do think it's a tad too "teenagy" for my liking, but hey it was emotional.
Somewhere in the beginning you have capital letters after a comma, I wondered why?
Not bad, just not my cup of tea, sorry.

Wow!!! This really is amazing!!! It's really long but I enjoyed reading it. Great write hun. definately a 5/5

This poem is very, very, deep! It actually scares me. I also think that this would make one hec of a screenplay. It displays great imagery and is full of darkness. Great job! This poem pulled me deeply into it and I was lost afterward. lol. Only one problem though. In the third stanza, fourth line you should have wrote the word bare intead of bear. Other then that I think this was a excellent poem and I can't wait to read the second part. Keep up the brilliant work. 5/5

Letty

WOW i loved this, the imagery was excellent, the flow perfect and even though it is long it kept me interested all the way through. Excellent piece. 5/5

She takes her last breath, puts the gun to her head,
She pulls the trigger and is finally dead.
Her bullet got me too, right through my heart.
I cry as I bleed as my world falls apart.

This is the pivotal part of the poem and it's theworst of all of them. You need to work on this thoughtfully and completely re-write the second half. Sorry, but it's that poor.

The one thing that confuses me is that her father is the cintral point of her pain (nothign else is mentioned) and yet she walks on by him and kills herself in school. What's up with that? No revenge, no marks of intention? It lacks credibility even if that's what really happened.

An extra stanza explaining that she can't confront him, even in finality would really help there.

As a piece as a whole there are some flow problems that will only be solved by sticking to a disciplined meter. It's so long that without it you'd be better of having this in free form.

Interesting story, looking forward to part two.

Bret

Amazing. This is really good!
Very nice flow. Beautiful and sad at the same time. 5/5

This poem almost brought me to tears. I love how you described everything!! Normally, I don't get into long poems if I know they're long, but it was easy for me to read this. You kind of helped me get over some part of my writer's block, thank you. :]

5/5

This is an amazing job && i'm really in love with this one. i can't wait to go read the next one. see what happens && all. very nicely written on this && like biscut said it is great how you rhymed throughout this all.

keep it up. keep on writing. love always && forever.