Hopelessly fading

by Joyo   Jun 10, 2006


I'm drifting around aimlessly and following this badly cracked road.
I look back and see the scattered pieces of my heart on the ground.
All you can hear is a sigh and my feet that silently keeps walking.
I don't any longer get bothered of anything around.

It's like I've stepped out of my own body to watch my mouth, indifferent, go on speaking.
As a tepid wind wraps itself around me I stop thinking.

I stop wonder and I stop repenting the past.
Because the struggle I have to face each and every day,
has punished me from the first to the last,
and all I ever treasured has been taken away.

Too long have I been searching for answers that don't even exist.
Too long has this loneliness burden the shoulders of my name.
so many years have I lived this life in omission,
And too many times have my tries ended up the same.

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Latest Comments

  • 18 years ago

    by Void

    Hey, first of all I want to say thankyou for your great comment on my lyrical piece. I really appreciate the fact that you, not only read it, but took your time to write such an uplifting comment. So, as I am here to repay my debt to you by giving my own comment, I want to tell you that most important of all - I enjoyed the words you chose for this. I was originally attracted to another poem, but I came to see this one because of lack of comments given. Truthfully, I'm not sure why you don't have more, but I think it may be because of some lines that don't come across as clear as they could. It is mostly the middle parts of this poem that had me a little lost. This line in particular:

    It's like I've stepped out of my own body to watch my mouth indifferent go on speaking.

    I love that line for what it is, but I think grammar may be missing from it, as I don't quite know what you're tryin' to say. Is it you that is indifferent about what your mouth is saying? Or is it your mouth that seems indifferent about the words coming out of it? If it were my own poem, I would probably want to fix the grammar to read something more like:

    It's like I've stepped out of my own body to watch my mouth, indifferent, go on speaking.

    or

    It's like I've stepped out of my own body to watch my mouth- indifferent -go on speaking.

    However, this is purely a personal opinion and I hope you don't take any offense to it. (I, too, will not take any offense if you were to ignore every word you read - I respect you all the same :))

    The only other thing I really saw was the mispelling of 'heart', you have it spelled 'hart'; but even the best poets have more typos than they can count ;).

    Anything else constructive that I could offer is still just personal preference, which isn't always the best advice to give so I choose to keep it to myself. But wait! I'm not done talking yet! (lol sorry, I always make these comments so much longer than expected, but I'll try and be quick) I just wanted to mention my favourite line from this piece. I feel it has a great deal of thought and emotion put into it and deserves plenty of praise...

    "Too long has this loneliness burden the shoulders of my name."

    You're an incredible writer, and I'm glad to have had a chance to see your work. Keep them coming and I'll keep droppin' by ;). Thanks again. Best wishes. -Stefhy

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