Forever a Part Of Me

I don\\\'t understand this anymore.
I miss you but at the same time ;;
I wish I didn\\\'t.
I think of you as a mistake.
But then again ;;
You were one of the best things that\\\'s happened to me.
You just have that affect on me.
I know I need to move on.
But, it\\\'s so hard to let go.
Memories we had with each other,
Cross my mind a million times a day.
And never knowing what could have been,
Hurts me all over again.
We were so close.
At least I thought we were.
I know this whole thing was partially my fault.
But, you had a part in it also.
You shouldn\\\'t have gotten involved with me,
When you know you liked her too.
That hurts to know.
I feel plated.
Like I was a rebound when she wasn\\\'t there.
And knowing all of this scares me.
I\\\'m afraid of dating other guys ;;
Because they could easily do that same thing as you did.
I was afraid before you coming along.
But, you promised me you were different from all the rest.
For some reason I believed you.
I don\\\'t know if I can ever trust a guy again.
I fall too easily.
And falling too hard is even worse.
It always lead to that word.
Love.
It scares me so bad.
It\\\'s so strong but played around with so much.
Who knows?
Maybe someday you\\\'ll realize you should have meant all the things you said to me.
And until that days comes ;;
I\\\'m just going to move on.
And pretend not to be hurt.
But, I cna\\\'t pretend forever because:
\\\"Once you love someone; that someone is forever a part of you.\\\"