Last Night

I shot myself last night
The adrenaline stung my eyes
I could not recognize
The faces of my enemies
Stood; staring; watching
Hoping that soon my life would fade
Still lying on the kitchen floor
Still in the progress of fading
Still wide awake in terms of life
Too much time to think
My mind wanders to the broken sink
To the words of my shrink
He says
Be careful what you chose to do
You never know what you might regret
Then I walk inside
Leaving footprints on the walkway
Click and I am online
Reading the poems of depressed teens
And I know what life means
They say oh god life hurts
I cannot live this way
And then they turn around
Walk back out of the dream
Another torn seam mended
Another scar on your young skin
Do what you want to do from now on
I would rather regret what I never did, shrink
Than look back in life and regret
The things I meant to do, but never did
Because of you
So now you understand
What kind of compromise I chose to make
When I put my life at stake
I shot myself last night
Put the game into hindsight
Still fading
Numb to the pain of the wound
All I feel is the pain of every waking hour
Knowing this was not a mistake
And yet, I am still here