Comments : Lost Friendship

  • 18 years ago

    by Sean Allen

    "don;t say hello,"
    heh, you got a semicolon in there instead of an apostrophe.
    ~~~
    "you don't love me anymore,"
    I think this would sound better if phrased as a question, e.g.:
    "don't you love me anymore"
    ~~~
    I think that once the poem got to the line "coming around", the rhythm was disrupted. The leading cause of this was probably a change in how long the lines were. If I were you, I'd try to lengthen a few of the lines, if not every other one to set up a varying rhythm. Good poem, and nice details, especially at the start.