Very fascinating flow..somewhat mstically enchanting

Very nice song. I'm not that much into country music. But if this was a song, I would listen to it. I loved the chorus, It was really catchy and had a great meaning to it. I liked these lines alot:
"Locked in Eden's garden crying over roses,
Where would I end up..."
They were great. And this song was great. Keep writing some lyrics. You're doing a great job on it!! 5/5

`Taleee xx

Hmm, lets start from the beginning.

"Ocean washing towards my shore tonight,"
[Ocean what?]
"Moon guiding light between weeping willow,"
[willow's']
"Where would I end up when sun sets tonight,"
[sunsets]

"Down roads twisting 'n turnin' in my rearview,
Radio 'only thing keeping me on my path,"
[You should make this a Pre-Chorus, because you used it in the 1st and 2nd verse. Also, the third verse didn't include it, so you might want to make that a bridge.]

Well, I know for sure this isn't going to be any form of rock. Suggested by the lanuage you used. So I'm not sure if I can help much. The structure I use, and the one you use could be different, so it's only a suggestion.

Anyways, this was really good Kaylee, I would like to hear some of your music.
Maybe I should post some of my band's lyrics?.. Hmm..

"Moon guiding light between weeping willow's,"
no need for the apostrophe in willows, I don't see them possessing anything in this line
~~~
"Where would I end up when sunsets tonight,"
If I were speaking, I'd say "when the sun sets tonight", but this is being sung, and it's definitely not being sung by me, so I suppose it'd work out regardless of whether you changed it or not.
~~~
"'N a bumble bee gathering inside their hive,"
it's a bumble bee, so it shouldn't be 'their' hive, but something like 'her' hive.
~~~
I really liked the chorus and verse 3. This would be a great song, in my opinion, it's very lyrical and has a great rhythm, at least when read out loud, I especially like the realistic use of apostrophes for abbreviation, like 'nother.

I am lovin it Kaylee ,
I am a very awful critique for songs because I really know nothing about writing one ...

I have to say I absolutely love this line:
Drinking life from the bottle we call Earth,

But the whole thing to me sounds pretty darn great......

Take care deary,

I am not a huge country fan but reading your lyrics had me captivated.
You truly are a talented writer.
When I was reading I was kinda going tomy own tune....if you ever put these words to a beat I would love to hear the sample!! Great Job!!

I loved this song! Again, I can't critique because I know little to nothing about song writing but I found the words to be enchanting. I really would like to hear the song with music sometime. You're a wonderfully talented poet (and musician)
Amour,
Kim

Songs often lack the imagery that poetry has, but you portrayed many beautiful images in this song. My favourite part was the second verse, because I personally liked those descriptions the best.
I have one suggestion when you say "Where would I end up when the sun sets tonight" I can't help thinking "would" would sound better as "will." I've always thought of would as past tense and here you're talking about present and future.
I enjoyed this poem.

Wow. very country! lol... liked it! the flow was good and so were the descriptions.. i loved the kind of country feel and language, it really added affect.. you truly are a talented writer, dont ever stop! 5/5!

Wow, great job! Very good emotions, good flow, and fantastic description! You're a great writer! 5/5 Keep up the good work! Thx for the comment, it meant a lot!

-Stephanie-

That is a very good and unique poem. i loved "Drinking life from the bottle we call Earth," It's very creative and abstract. Great job

Wow that was really good... next country hit! lol... i love country myself, and that right there is one damn good country song! keep writing, you're great...

thanks for the comments... check out some of my new poems!

Country music is my fave. These lyrics were really good, and it was so well planneed out, keep it up Kaylee
xxxxx

Huh.. was just thinkin bout the same thing 2day.. actually, the last few days.. i've got lots of time on my hands to do some serious contemplating (as if i dont do that all the time.. lol) and i was reli think bout where am i gonna be "when the sun sets tonight"..
amazing lyrics.. tho im not a counrty girl, i could feel the trapped emotions in the lyrics and i appreciated ur profound meanings.. such a sweet dedication, and a very thoughtful and wise one, too..

(hehe, i guess u got into the habit of making me cry 2day) :P:P

great job.. wonderful emotions
keep up the talent
take care
NannO

Very very good, I like the phrase "Locked in Eden's garden cryin' over roses"
Cheers and good writing, DM

Either you'll be an songwriter or either you'll be an amazing poet or either you'll waste your talent ! this is amazing =) really i mean this =) another amazing job 5/5 =)

~STefQ

Great Poem, I enjoyed reading it- so thanx
When you have the chance, could you rate my poem “If I”
Appreciated- Truly Spoken