You wrote this for the dark and fantasy contest right? I remember seeing it there.

I think that this definitely makes great use of descriptive language and metaphor.
"Painfully straight ebony hair"
was my favorite line.

I'd say that the only part of this poem that I found disagreeable was the lack of a definitive rhythm. I think that with story poems, a strong rhythm can sort of mesmerize the reader, which would have made it even more interesting, because that's the sort of thing vampires can do, mesmerize people I mean... not write poetry.. although I'm sure some can.

Good poem.

Wow, scary! lol loved it, now im scared of the dark, even tho i was, but still THNX A LOT:-p

I think you did a great job, very descriptive! welldone 5/5

Hey i really like this poem! especially cuz i'm really facinated by vampires and other scary fictional character! gr8 work!

Jessy~It is your first dark poem isnt it?? It is sooo descriptive and vampire matches really well with dark poem like this!! I hope you will write another dark poem soon!! I am lookin forward it!! :) Good work~~

Wow this is really good. It reminds me of one of my poems.

"Those blood red lips
The lips of a vampire"

In my opinion, I'd remove the last line. It seems to overplayed like you're trying to hard. Just end off that stanza with "blood red lips" and I think it will flow even nicer and give a good mysterious sense to it. Know what I mean? But then again it's just my opinion and really up to you : )

Great poem, though! I really enjoyed it. Keep it up!

Wow very good.....the images were very vivid!!!! 5/5 definitly

I really liked it .. kinda scarey th0 but it had beautiful discriptive w0rds!! l00k at s0me 0f mine if y0u want!
l0ve always
aLi

I loved it and i thought that it was descriptive and i loved it like i always do

Ah scary! lol if she drinks my blood i will have to slap her:-p. anyway, wow scary and awesome! 5/5

Great poem-really descriptive!! 5/5 you have a lot of talent---especially in this category---

Another dark poem, that was really good, keep writing
xxxxx

I love all of the description that you put into your poems. It makes them really nicee to read! keep on writing!

That was a perfect combination of a story and a poem. i like vampires, so i really liked your poem, keep up the good work.

Good job! I like the metaphor here( wheter intentionally there or not). Keep it up!

Wow, that was really amazing! i totally loved the vampire theme, it's very kool : D

I love vampire poems and this one was simply beautiful! Wonderful write!
5/5