You too

Angels and demons make love in my mind,
memories of you fade over time.
Dreams of warm, happy, loving summer days,
morph into visions of blood and blades.
Are you still out there
in the cooling night?
My dreams are slowing down,
but not my life.
If I called to you,
would you reply?
Is every time you say it
a complete lie?
I want to ask why-
but not really to know.
I want you to tell me to never let go.
I want you to picture us two holding hands,
in a graveyard,
in winter,
say my name again.
But what do I call you?
my beautiful death,
the cause of my suicide,
my final breath.
In the simplest terms-
I can't even describe
how bad I want to hold you
and feel you inside.
I would give up them both,
I would give up my life-
if you would hold me when I die.