by holly Jun 13, 2006
category :
Love, romance /
lost love
Can't Sleep |
by Sean Allen
Yes this is a poem, and it's a good one. However, as the main strength of this poem is its rhythm, I'd try to make that as rock-solid as possible. The rhythm comes from the two syllable lines. There are some places where you put three syllables in a line, like 'forever'. I'd say that that is a no-no as far as this rhythm goes. I liked the repetitive nature, as it seemed very realistic to me. When people are talking or rambling they repeat themselves a lot, and I sort of felt like that is what this is, a sort of rhythmic poetic ramble. |
I really love it....this is how i feel too... keep up the good work.....5/5 |