The story you tell in this poem if very soulful and personal which is hard to find sometimes. Usually poems like this seem forced or pretentious but not in this case.

It's a great foundation and I think you can make this poem stand above many others with a little touch up work.

To me this poem feels like it lacks direction, perhaps due to your mood when you wrote it. But if you give it structure and reorganised it a little so it was in a uniformed presentation (four lines in the stanzas for example) it would flow much more easily and be remembered by more people.

It is a good poem and we can all make our work better with a little patience and determination.

Keep it up, I'll definitely be reading more!

Bret