I loved that part u repeated.. it added an extra meaning to the poem.. i didnt reli like the rhyme coz it was confusing, but the structure was interesting, and i loved the metaphors..

"My pains
They are now.."

u shud remove "are" in this part..
overall, this poem was good.. eye-catching title, too..

keep going
thnx 4 the comment
take care
NannO

AnnMarie --
Honey, this was great. I think what I really liked the most about this poem was how the first and last stanza kind of repeated ;; but in the first one you felt backed into a corner, and, in the last one, you WERE backed into the corner. I definitely liked that part. The rhyming and the flow worked out really good, as well. A great poem, love. =D

Love Much,
Samantha Hollywood

I liked the foreigner simile but as someone else has said it does feel a little underdeveloped. I found the poem flowed well but I felt a little confused about where it was all leading. ( maybe I just don't get it?)
Overall though it was avery good write with some strong lines.

This poem is simply, AMAZING. I love it. It is well written and the flow is awesome. I love the style you have it set up in. This is one of the best poems I have ever read. No lie.

Keep it up.

>black&&blue

"I feel backed into corner"
[into 'a' corner]

"Stuck with in someones body."
[Stuck 'within']

Wow, that poem seemed a bit dark. You had a lot of images that were gory or disturbing for a life poem. Really good job though, I kind of understand it.

Good job. I liked the pattern that you had going on there. Very original. Good job. Keep it up! =) xoxo

Samantha

I love the sturcture of this poem, its very original and really helps the poem grow

-biscuit-

Ohmygawsh. That purely fantstic, very well written; aswell. It flowed perfectly and kept my attention.

I really liked that repetative line, but the poem didn't seem to have much flow to it..But I loved the topic.. great write.

xDarkSuicidex 5.5

Good poem overall However, I'm missing the flow in it. I had to go back a couple of time to re-read it. It is missing something!

The feelings expressed are not that foreign to me, and you delivered well

Aww.. this was really good! i loved how you some of the stanza's with "The Fear" or "The Pain", it was really effective.. brilliant job! 5/5

I liked how you used the same line more than once to get the meaning through..but i think 4 times may have been one too many. It's good in the first and last stanza but the middle is good enough as it is. Adding so many of them seems to me like you're trying to make the poem longer when it really doesnt need it because it's a really good poem as it is. Also the random 2 line stanza after the 3rd stanza seemed kind of out of place (The tears, they won't stop flowing.
The pain, it won't stop growing.)...since all the other stanzaz were of the same form, this one just stood and didn't fit in too much.

My favourite stanza had to be the second last one:
"My pains,
They are now lay upon my body like stains.
Rub upon one,
and another will have sprung."
this was a very nice stanza with very strong words:)..Good Job=D

Wow this is really good. :) 5/5

Omg. I loved this poem. I liked how you repeated the "Fear" and "Pain" thing. It was good, you kept it consistant, and it made sense and wasn't thrown off at all.

WOW a great poem and the most beautiful thing about this poems is the word foreigner, it made the poem so meaning ful and so deep. good job

Wow, this was a very powerful piece, it showed your fear and frustration, and i ask, is this about a foreign person, like someone coming into the country, or did you mean it in another way. Either way, this was very well written, great work.

--steph

This poem hooked me from the beginning to the end. The use of repitition with slight variations worked really well. Can't think of anything I didn't like about this!

Wow, this is an excellent poem!! i hung to every word. speechless. 5/5 and three thumbs up!!

keep writing, u have talent. =D
xxx

This one is really good i really like it your poems so far are great!