Falling Apart..............(But nobody knows)

Why do I feel this way?
Every second of time
Thoughts of hurting myself
Are always running though my mind

My life is headed in a direction
I don't want to go
I want to hurt myself
But nobody knows

But this poem explains it all
So now everyone will know
And the sadness they feel for me
Oh how it will grow

I must admit I have cut
Once of Twice
And The pain I feel
Was not that nice

Now your thinking
"Oh my god whats wrong with her?"
Well to you it may be one
Big blur

But I'll tell you whats wrong
Every single thing
If I just died
Oh what joy it'd bring

Because no one cares about me
Well at least thats how I see it
And I have felt this way
For such a long time I must admit

I have kept this feeling
Bottled up inside
For way to long
Don't worry I won't commit suicide

I just feel that my life
It is just not worth living
I mean seriously
What to the world am I giving?

I'm just taking up space
And wasting my parents money
When I first thought this
I thought it was funny

But then the feeling grew
Into something I couldn't control
And a piece of my soul left me
So now I don't feel whole

So that first night when I cut
"I thought what the hell am I doing?"
But the pain inside me
Oh how it was brewing

So I did one more cut
And I just couldn't go on..doing it anymore
So I just layed there
And let my mind soar

Soar off into distance memories
Of the good ole days
But those good times
Are all in a haze

For now only the present
Screwed up as it is..is the only thing I think
And as I write this poem
I can feel I'm on the brink

Of going up stairs
And just grabbing that blade
While looking at the scars
That I have already made

But don't worry
Don't even fret
I know what your thinking
I will even bet

"I didn't know she was like this inside"
"How come she didn't tell me"?
Well there are a lot of reasons
And if you continue to read you'll see

For one I didn't want people to know
How I really felt about my life
But my heart is almost bursting
Getting stabbed by this emotional knife

So I'm writing this poem
So that everyone can see
See the real person
Hiding inside of me

Now your thinking
"Oh my god she is insane?'
Well I've thought that for so long
It's because of all the pain

See as you were reading this
You were over come with surprise
And know your sadness for me
Has grown to an enormous size

But yes I'm insane
In a way no one can understand
My emotions are running thin
I'm down to the last grains of sand

Because my hourglass
It's running low
And when it reaches the bottom
Well I don't know

I guess we'll see what I do
When the last grain drops
Hey who knows
You may have to call the cops

I don't care about the spelling mistakes
Or if the words don't sound right
All I want is for you to know
The pain I go though every single night

Now your thinking
"How did I not know this?..how could I not see?"
It's because I've become a master
Of hiding the true, real me

So when this poem is though
Don't call me on the phone
For still the pain I feel
To you is unknown

If you want to know the real pain I have
You must walk a day in my shoes
But if you had that chance
That I would not choose

I'm almost done writing know
So don't try to comfort me
Even if you tried I will never be the same
So just leave me be

Don't even bring this up
In a conversation
Don't try to help me
Help the other people across the nation

Because I can take care of myself
Help all the other people like me
Because every night
I get down on my knees

And I pray to God
So I have him on my side
He'll make sure
That I don't commit suicide

Did this poem make you cry?
If it did you have only had a quarter of my pain
For I cry every night
It has drove me insane

I hope this poem has touched you
In your heart and in your soul
Because if you look inside me
My soul is black like coal

Because thats what depression does
It rots you from the inside out
Don't worry one day it will show
I know without any doubt

So when you lay down at night
And think of your day
Think of me laying in my bed crying
That is how I pay

I'm done writing this sad poem
I hope you now feel bad for me
Because at least someone out there
Now will feel bad for me.....and see