Two Steps Back

by Avellana   Jun 16, 2006


Self destructive patterns
I try so hard to stop
Why is it that I hate so much?
I feel how my soul rots

The core of me is dying
And no one beside me knows
This fight has gone on too long
But this break down never shows

Revulsion ripples through me
I can't stand my skin
My flesh, my bones, my muscles
I just wanted to be thin

Determinations lost on me
I'm weak and feel I'm dying
It's shocking how no one sees
Or cares, that I am cracking

Riddled with this wretched disease
That won't ever let me go
Is it selfish to wish yourself to fall?
Feel your wasteful heartbeat slow?

I'm running fingers along the edge
To feel the sting and ache of pain
It's stupid to think I hurt myself
Just to feel alive again

I actually feel I'm giving over
Myself to this disease
It's gutted me, hollowed me out
Promised me I would be free

Please god; give me a new disorder
Give me something I can fight
Distract me from my thoughtless life
And dreams of suicide

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by Ashley

    Please god; give me a new disorder
    Give me something I can fight
    Distract me from my thoughtless life
    And dreams of suicide

    If just find this part brilliant.. I can't really say why but there is something about that little verse! awesomely written, you're really good. Hope your doing ok!

    Ashley

  • 18 years ago

    by Jane

    *Hug*

    this is an awesome poem

  • 18 years ago

    by lonelynow

    That was really good.

    I actually feel I'm giving over
    Myself to this disease
    It's gutted me, hollowed me out
    Promised me I would be free

    I can totally identify! This poem was suberb.

    I'm glad you liked mine

    x x x x x x x

  • 18 years ago

    by Cimara

    You cease to amaze me avellana. You write with such passion. it is always a joy to read what you have written. take care xoxox

  • 18 years ago

    by BeautifulDisaster

    Aw, hunny, sorry i havent commented, i just havent been online for a while and right now its late so i get a few min online hehe, anyways i love this poem, sorry i dont have time to comment on the other ones but i HAVE read them all, andd i love them theyre all wonderful, but i needed to comment on this one because i can relate to it so much right now, and i think its absolutely beautiful, so full of emotion and yet that emotion is sadness and the sadness is beauty, wonderful,xxoo

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