Drowning Lessons

by Darien   Jun 16, 2006


Drowning Lessons

I offered you my heart,
You threw it on the floor.
Now I'm left broken,
Can't go on anymore.

Let's take a walk on thin ice,
We'll see who falls first.
Your words are a burden,
Which makes things worse.

Your lies are so big,
We would both go down.
Once we hit the water,
You'd be the first to drown.

Your body would freeze.
Except for your heart.
It was already cold,
Now it will fall apart.

I'll make it to the top,
and slowly turn away.
Never to see you again,
This will be our last day.

You won't make it alone,
No one else can save you.
I was the only one that cared,
But nothing you said was true.

You will stare right at me,
and say some kind of lie.
I won't listen to a word,
I'll just watch you die.

*I wrote this last year. I editted it, and now I'm posting it.*
*The title was inspired by the My Chemical Romance song*

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by isabel

    This sure is great...
    i actually know the song, is one of my favorites...
    wonderful poem...

    *isabel*

  • 17 years ago

    by Brittney Follett

    Chemical Romance eh? I am also a rocker :P

    Well, I loved it! :) I like how its so... well dark. >:) You seem to be a natural rhymer... This poem is amazing!! I like these stanzas the best:
    Your body would freeze.
    Except for your heart.
    It was already cold,
    Now it will fall apart.

    You will stare right at me,
    and say some kind of lie.
    I won't listen to a word,
    I'll just watch you die.

    I am definitally adding you to my favorites.
    Great Job Darien

    5/5

  • 18 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    I don't usually like dark poetry, but this one...wow. This was amazing, i really liked the last stanza. Another 5/5

  • 18 years ago

    by David

    The message here is straightforward and clear. It took me there.. creepy. Very well described scenary.
    I was not to crazy about the rhyming here.. especially after just ready your poem "disapearing act" I expected better. Man I loved that poem. lol
    Overall the scary theme is , well, scary.
    thank you for this poem. I never could write scary poems like this.
    I might have been inpired byt his one.

    David Velazquez

  • 18 years ago

    by xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex

    Your body would freeze.
    Except for your heart.
    It was already cold,
    Now it will fall apart.

    I think that should be the last line.. It suggests that the person died and that would make a nice ending, though the ending was already wonderful. This is an excellent poem.... Not your best, but very good.

    xDarkSuicidex 5.5

    Keep in touch.

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