"Lets take a walk on thin ice,"
need an apostrophe in let's
~~~
"Which makes things worst."
worst is the superlative, you want the word 'worse' here.
~~~
"You will look me in the eye,
Tell me some kind of lie.
I won't be the one to cry,
I'll just watch you die."
Just pointing out that every line rhymes in this stanza, sort of weird to read.
~~~
You fixed the lie/lie problem I pointed out. Nice!

Yeah, you read my comment from before, yadda yadda good poem, all that.

You won't make it alone,
No one else can save you.
I was the only one that cared,
But nothing you said was true.
```````````````````````````````````
I liked that stanza heaps. There's not much bad stuff I can point out, Sean's already done that.... So yeah. It was a pretty good poem though. =) 5/5

`Taleee

Very deep poem very open and outh there with feelings nice job your amazing at this keep it up 5.5

Wow! this was amazzingg.. definetely 5/5 material! the emotion was so strong, so powerful.. and it was very clear what you were trying to say without it being too simple.. i loved how you used the metaphorical use of drowning, it really added affect! excellent write! 5/5

Your poem are usually really well written, but this one isn't exactly my fave but that coule be that it's a dark poem.
Let's take a walk on thin ice,
We'll see who falls first.
[This part was good though as a reader could and should be able to picture the thin ice. Nice effect.]
Once we hit the water,
You'd be the first to drown.
[Dark aren't we? Must be weight of all those lies.]
You will look me in the eye,
Tell me some kind of lie.
I won't be the one to cry,
I'll just watch you die.
[This was the only one I probably didn't care for. Maybe because it all rhymes but your other stanza's don't]

*I EDITTED THE POEM*

Thanks for the suggestions Sean and Kaylee.

Brilliant! I like it. Your words are powerful and strong. A very impressive display of your talent.

I found myself wanting to fix this stanza (added words in parenthesis):

Let's take a walk on thin ice,
We'll see who falls (in) first.
Your words are (like) a burden,
Which (only) makes things worse.

If you notice, adding these words gives it better rhythm (8/7/8/7 syllables). But that's totally up to you to add them or not, it was just an idea I had.

I really like the poem :)

As ahallow as it might sound, I have to first say that your picture on your profile is EXTREMELY hott. Okay, I just ahd to say that. This poem is really good. Whether you have experienced the heart ache of trying to help someone who won't let you and who won't be honest with you, or you just decided to write about it, you've got the idea right. You have the right words that portray the right emotions that would be associated with such heart ache. I was impressed by your skilled diction in this poem. The connotation of your words was perfect of what you were trying to say. My only issue with this poem is that I felt like it needed more of an ending. It was really get so far, but when it ended it was like someone stopping in the middle of a sentence to me. I felt like it needed some like of better conclusion where you tell what happens to the "you" in the end, or what you decided to do about the you, or some kind of message to others about your topic. That is just a thought. It would be like sprinkles on a cake to make it even better.

-Tainted Mikochan

Wonderful job, the best thing I liked about this poem is that you have a bit "Irony" i don't know if that's the right word for it. Like when you talked about freezing, you talk about how the heart's already cold, great job

AMAZING, as are all your poems. i loved every stanza of it.

This poem is perfect in every aspect, It is great, I wish i hd the words, this i think is one of the best I have ever read, it litterlay puts you in the scene and you can feel the emotion I had to give it a 5/5 i wish i could give it a higher rating.

I loved this poem. beautiful imagery . harsh but beautiful . i really liked it this poem had a lot of. . .umm i guess strength i dont know if thats the right word but anyway it was great . xxALLYxx

You had some good ideas but i think you could work on them a little better and explore more than what appears to me as face value. Good job though
4/5

Great Poem, I enjoyed reading it- so thanx
When you have the chance, could you rate my poem “If I”
Appreciated- Truly Spoken

It certainly must have been a great inspiration, this poem is amazing, it's just been written really well using something a bit different to say what you mean, 5/5, keep it up fruity

Nicely done. Good flow and beautiful imagery. Loved the parallel between lies and drowning... the classic of good and evil. Though it's a dark poem and full of open emotions, but it has good moral. Good write. 5/5

Ithought this was great! I hopw you did not rally go through this! although it seems like you did becuse the feelings are so very strong please read four of mine as said! I will keep reading yours maybe even add you as a fav!!

A great open, deep and dark poem well done 5/5

You have really got some thing there, its deep and it makes you think! it reminded me of some one i once thought i knew! take notice - THOUGHT. its beautifull