Nothing Tastes as Good as Thin Feels.

As she runs her hands over her prominent hipbone and smiles to herself
she realises that its all worth it, all the pain; emotionally and physically.
she is drained emotionally and physically.
She looks back to that night when she sat on her bed in the middle of the
winter, wrapped in her sheets and carefully unscrewed the blade from the pencil
sharpener and cut her arms; once! twice! three times! over and over again!
she shuts her eyes in pain at the memory and looks at her ribs...\"its all been worth it now,
I can see that\".
she reaches for her water bottle and gulps half of it down, \"I\'m so hungry...starving...
but I want to be skinny, Iâ??ll die before Iâ??m thin enough\".
looking in the mirror all she sees is fat, she fails to see the fact that her
skeleton is trying to escape from beneath her skin, her body cries out for food.
she hits her stomach hard to crush the hunger pangs.
she has to give in! she can barely walk...she stumbles into the kitchen, so weak from starvation.
she opens the fridge and stares in wonder at the sins inside there, she grabs the sliced meat and
shoves it inside her mouth.
she swore she would never eat meat again.
she spots the cake and cuts herself a generous slice she crams this down her throat.
she swore she would never eat sugar again.
she steals the leftover pasta, smothers it in mayonnaise and forces this down her insides.
she swore she would never eat carbs again.
she realises what she has done, nobody will ever know that sense of guilt, knowing she has failed.
she swore she would never eat fat again.
she swore she would never eat again.
â??a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hipsâ?? mother used to say.
It\'s mias turn now, she takes her to the bathroom and kneels her down, she gently explains to her what she
must do.
self-hatred she feels must be stopped, she must feel self-worth once more.
self-defeating thoughts race through her head - she must do this.
she scrapes back her dry hair into a ponytail as her heart races at the thoughts of the feeling ahead.
she gently slides her fingers down the back of her tongue and feels the first lurch and the sins are once
more in front of her, staring at her, she looks away up at the window. she can see the sun outside, and wishes she was there
she shuts her eyes and feels the tears roll down her face into the toilet bowl.
she cleans herself up as much as possible - she struggles to clean the evidence away and she frantically tries to scrub away the ruined make-up from her fragile face. She flushes she sins away just like she flushed them from her body.
she looks in the mirror at what she has become, she turns away in disgust.
as she puts her foot forward her knees give way and she falls to the floor.
unable to lift herself she just lies there listening to her heart fluttering and she can hear the music on
in the background - it is her thinspiration, she plays it everytime she feels herself slipping, its always there hauntingly in the background with mia.
she lies there on the bathroom floor just thinking, crying, but silence - its so quiet.
she feels a searing heat throughout her body and her heart calms.
she cant get her breath...but then nothing, there is quiet.
she will die fat, for I am in control.
You can never be too thin.
Iâ??m your future best friend you just wait and see!