Impossible

I want to die
so i curl into my ball of comfort
crying silently
i grab the pocket knife i hide under my pillow
in case someone brakes into the house
but i have more than one purpose for it
like today
so i grab it by the swiss army handle
and i make sure it will cut
it wont
so i sharpen it
now its edges look like it would cut a diamond
i make it dance on my flesh
the red joining it like the most beautiful dance
i feel light and free
why cant i always be like this
i wish i could always feel this way
i hear a faint cry
i know its not me
my arm looks like someone tried to cut it with a chainsaw
but they couldn't handle the power
so it skipped from spot to spot
thats when i look around my room
in the door way there i see someone
i look hard no it cant be
i looks just like me when i was younger
or my little sister
but shes dead
she looks up and me and said why are you doing this?!?
i cry hard i drop to my knees like a baby
this isn't happening
this isn't happening
i say it over and over
but i open my eyes and i still see her
how can this be happening?!?!
i look into her face shes crying just like me
i ask why are you crying?
she looks at me and says with eyes so red
because i love you
and i was hoping that you would live longer
for me i thought you would try to be happy for me
i cried harder at the thought
i was no longer alive
but then i realized what i have done in my fiery
i had slit my wrist not even thinking
i cry hard i now live with my sister
in a house that is not ours
but is just the way we remember it