That is a really good outlook poem. i have written poems like that with my friend casey. and if you read them you will know i understand. the hurt they give you...your already dead from it all...it feels like there is no use. if you want you can read our poem "bleeding for you" its under Casey Adams name...be strong hun. your not alone.

That is a really good outlook poem. i have written poems like that with my friend casey. and if you read them you will know i understand. the hurt they give you...your already dead from it all...it feels like there is no use. if you want you can read our poem "bleeding for you" its under Casey Adams name...be strong hun. your not alone.

Hey hunni.... this was great i got the message with one part in it wasnt sure bout it but now i read it with the rest of the poem i like it.... well babe wen i get credit and not busy i will give u a call i promise..... hows ya boi?? well will talk lata....

Woooooo,
now that is a piece of fantastic writing.

I'll be laying in your arms
I'll be falling for you kill
It's everything I've needed
I want it with all my will
- should be your not you, and you can really feel the desperation of this person in the poem, how they are wanting something so bad, even if it kills them in the end..a danagerous game,

You can load the gun, if you please
You can place it in my hand
Kiss me gently, a lovers goodbye
That would be the last stand
- fantastic stanza yet again, but not as strong as the first.

You could tie the rope, so sweet
Knock the chair from under my feet
- this one really stood out to me, a rhyming couplet in the middle, always seems to break up the poem and make it easier to read and this was a good one, its something that will stick in the readers mind becuase its so captivating.

Hold me under the water
Watch me run out of air
Until the only thing moving
Would be my lifeless hair
- you feel sadness at the end of this stanza, i don't no i think its the thought of a drowned persons hair still floating although alive..its creppy good image to put in their.

You could stab me with a dagger
That would be the end of the start
Only problem with that though
Is I haven't got a heart
- see this is contasting- you do haqve a heart to be able to think all of these things although it is broken so this is very good stanza.

You've already killed me baby
You kil me every single night
You pull me from a low to a high
Just to drop me with the height
- this is a fabulous image a 10/10 one and a fantastic ending. its an image of sadness.

althogether it was a really great poem and the lanuage as i said before simple so everyone can read and understand it. gereat work.