I didnt quite get it but it was good. the rhyming scheme was kool and i like the plot alot! just try to make it more specific w/o giving too much away..overall, good job....
love ya ltos,
sore

Nice way to express yourself. 5/5
-Vino

Thanks Vino... Exactly what it was.

Very strong rhythm to this piece and the repition is amazingly effective adding to the overall strength of the writing. The end seems to deviate from the main structure somewhat, but this is in no way a bad thing, even seeming to add to the ends effect.

Good piece overall. 5/5

I like how you repeated "I do not live here" after every line. It gave it a kind of bizarre rhythm. Kindof like a bass drum pretending to be a heart beat. Also.. "The kid told me so" gives it an air of sadness... I'm not sure why. Like... the person doesn't fit in with their family anymore. I don't know.