I'd just fix up small grammatical things, like capitializing your "I"s. Besides that, I really enjoyed the descriptions, they were very peaceful, and the narrator's reactions/questions about the events were interesting as well, since they were obviously disjointed from the events, giving the reader two different aspects of the story to think about. I'm glad nothing happened in the poem (e.g. a car crash or something), that'd feel really fake.

Liked the poem!-very cute little poem

I Love Your Poetry, You Think Outside The Box,...I Admire Your Style & Wish More Poets Could Be Like You
Very Very Good
5/5 xoxo-Nikki-xoxo

Another great poem