My dream

by Nelle   Jun 21, 2006


I had a dream that you had died
Was it a dream, or only a lie
My heart had broke, my tears had fell
As i awoken, to an empty soul

The pain i felt when, you had "left"
Was so intense that i longed for help
I could not breathe, i could not see
All i wanted was to be set free

If i did loose you, i would die
I would be nothing but helpless inside
You are my sister, i need you forever
Could you live on just the spirit of me?

I say this now, while my love is strong
You are my heart, soul, and mind
So, was it really a dream?
Yes, it was, but in reality it came From the heaven's above

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Latest Comments

  • 18 years ago

    by Tainted Beauty

    "My heart had broke" it should be broken

    and

    "If i did loose you" **lose

    Lol other than that it was a great poem. I'm glad you didn't really lose your sister! that would be horrible. Anyways, thanks for all the comments on my poems.

    --Steph

  • 18 years ago

    by Kaylee

    You mention dream twice in one stanza too close together so you might want to change that.
    My heart had broke, my tears had fell
    [Fallen]
    As i awoken, to an empty soul
    [Upper i and awoke]
    Yes, it was, but in reality it came From the heaven's above
    [Throws off the flow]
    The poem in itself was good but you might want to put more details in it. Try writing using the five senses or memories you and your sister share.]

  • 18 years ago

    by Jessica

    I liked this up to the last two stanza's.. i think it kinda got messed up there and i didn't really understand..still, the descriptions were good.. and there was a lot of emotion so i'll give it a 5/5..

  • 18 years ago

    by Darien

    There was a sense in this poem, that you wanted it to rhyme and had an AABC format, but it didn't, so that kind of threw it off. The last line was a bit long, and I think you should shorten it. Overall, a good poem :)
    (5)

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