A good poem, but i think it could be an even better poem with a little more structure. i'm sorry if it seems that i keep attacking your work, and that i keep giving you tips like i'm the best poet ever. Its just, i like to tell the truth otherwise what's the point it commenting at all, and i just want to give my advice. anyway, my favorite stanza was the third one, its was perfectly written and structured.

Brad

P.S. yes you can use my poem 'words won't do', as can you with all my poems. you can also past them off as your own if you want, i just want people to read my work.

P.P.S. thank you for your comment on 'Words won't do', especially the part about taking my writing further.

Wow this reminds me of a poem that i wrote. I know exactly what this one is saying.
kayla