Hazy Nights

Sweet! I like the revision a lot more!

By the way .. the — 's is actually the M-dash, but wouldnt show up. you can also use '--' as an equivalent

I like it, but it seems a little obscure. my guess is that it's about a night, or a memory, in a relationship where one feigns affection; the other one ignorant of this fact.

hazy definitely is an apt titleword for this piece. maybe try using more concrete images and examples; i can't put my finger on what exactly i think this might need to stick out more, so to speak.

first off, i'd suggest not ending every line with a comma. it just seems to me that it hints that every end line is a full stop, and it isnt. I think i'll just do a whole revision of it, and you do whatcha do with my advice.

Hazy nights, fire warmed
[comma isn't necessary]

Rain is tapping patterns on the window,

[I'd remove patterns, because you later give example of the image, and 'patterns' is kind of jarring/redundant.]

Trickles of happiness
Filter the lies, and deception,
[I'd remove the first lines comma, as it uses the linebreak to bring the sentence to the next line. Also, I'd change 'and deception' to 'the deception', and then add a ';' after it, to give a longer stop and augment flow.]

Ecstasy of unknowing,
Traipse and cloak,
[I'd remove the comma after cloak]

In this alternate reality;
This champagne coma—
Bottled love in the form
Of ignorance.

[pretty self explanatory edit of grammar]

Sweet, sweet, bliss,
Of this euphoric
[And] forgotten concept of thought,
Erotic in its inimitability—

Smuggled endorphins,
Stashed and forged:
False happiness
In ignorances game,
The delight in counterfeit joy,
Overhangs the balance of reality.
[I'd add a period to give the next lines more emphasis.]
Addicted to a fiction,
Immersed in your world. . .

there it is.. hopefully it wasnt too jumbled.. lata