Learning to Count

I'm learning how to count today
I have my razor and tears
I'll put my smile away for now,
I don't think I need it here

It's time for the lesson to start
From where it left off so long ago
I never thought I'd use it again
But at least no one will know

One cut for the depression
Two tears for my pain
Three cuts for a sanity,
That will never return again

Four tears for the abuse,
That I suffer every day
Five cuts for the memories,
That will never go away

Six tears for being alone,
For having no one to help me strive
For feeling like I can never be perfect,
Seven cuts to know I'm alive

Eight tears for the blood
Nine cuts because I cry
Ten more tears because I know
That in one more cut I'll die

I've finally learned how to count today
But I only got to ten
I'll just make myself smile and forget,
So tomorrow I can learn it again...