Guilty

As I'm writing this
The tears are falling silently
Because I just can't forget
What you did to me

My stomach is turning
Tying up in knots
No matter what I do
You are my only thought

I can't figure out why
I let it happen to me
I thought I was old enough
To handle responsibility

I know I got drunk
And I was passed out in the tent
But when I said no
No was what I meant

And this was 9 months ago
And the pain won't go away
But I had another party
Just the other day

And I got drunk again
And I was talking to this guy
He was the first one I've told
The first one to watch me cry

He looked at me
Straight in the eye
And told me it happened to him..
From another guy

After hearing his story
It made me feel so bad
How could I still feel like i did
When he had it worse than I had?

He was braver than me though
He turned this guy in
He said it had helped
Kill the pain from within

He told me he understood
How I felt
So guilty and disgusting
Like no one could help

He said it does get better
Eventually I will heal
But all I could do
Was try to imagine how he'd feel

And after all he'd been through
He was worried about me
And I laid there in his arms
Where he promised me complete safety

I can't stop thinking about
The things that he told me
And it helps to know
That I wasn't to blame completely

And part of me feels bad
Because he's worse off than me
But a part of me still can't forget
The cuts that appear silently

Everything is so confusing
I can't think straight anymore
I feel like such a disappointment
Like nothing matters anymore

All of poems
Make no sense at all
All of friends
Stopped trying to call

I've lost everything I ever had
And all of dreams
The only reason I stay alive
Is for the razor that glistens and gleams

Maybe he's right
Some day that night will fade away
But right now it's all I think about
Every night.. Every day

It's causing so much confusion
Nothing seems right
So i guess that's it..
I'm ending it tonight

**I need help.. Any advice.. on anything.. the situation.. the poem..nothing is making sense anymore...**