Pretty deep poem, you can tell what your emotions are through this, it gives you a good idea on how it'd feel to have your dad give you a new parent, even for those who haven't had to worry about this. nicely done 5/5

It's really hard to be an honest critic when the poem is so very touching and full of emotion. I feel heartless in doing it. I considerered this more of a story than a poem. A very tragic story, and it is unfortnate it happened, but be happy it wasn't you. I know it hurts when it's someone you love, and that is why you must show them that what they are doing is hurting themself, and everyone else around them. It's the hardest thing to do, but it's for the best.

This poem was powerful, very powerful. Ok, now for the poetic critique, the rhymes and flow were good. It did sometimes feel like it was forced, like you were looking for thr rhymes, which messed up the flow. But I swear, I liked this poem even still. A really wonderful write!.. wow.. I'm stunned.

Wow, nice poem, I usually don't read such a long poem. Great job

Excellent poem AS you said it is verrrrry long!!!! All the same it is really good great detail......

Oh my gosh! That was so sad!

..I'm speechless! There was so much emotion in this one, oh gosh! There were parts where the flow and rhyming seemed a little rocky, but gosh, that doesn't matter to me. This poem was just filled with so much emotion. Whoa. I'm looking forward to part two! 5/5

`Taleee. xx.

Okay, ummm where to start. First of all I have to complement you for being willing to share your story in such an open manner. Writing tragic events and help you towards accepance. You did a beautiful job of writing this poem with a lot of intense emotions which some people struggle to do. I was a bit disappointed in your use of rhyming because it really took away to poem in the sense that you were limited to that pattern so your diction (word choose) wasn't strong enough for the sujbect. The rhyming also created a variety of odd rhythems (sp) that took away from the poem and were distracting to your message. I don't know, I think you have powerful ideas to work with and the can make a great poem, but your presentation really didn't cut it for me. Wow, that makes me sound really conceeded and I am not trying to be that way. I am not claiming to be an all wonderful amazing poet who is perfect in any way. Please don't take this as an insult because it is not intended to be. Best of luck with writing out your story. I am sorry that is it true, that is not a life that anyone would want to have to live with. Just remember, it is those who raise above adveristy and are survivors that we honors as heros because we see them for their greatness and know that it was not easy. The action of suicide is rather sad and painful to go through (I have seen many do so, and have tried to take my own life in my past as well,) but in the end you will be thought of with heart ache and pain, not the way anyone would want to be remembered. And as they say, you will become another statistic.

-Tainted

I love it .....and it is so sad....

Aww wow that was really sad and painful to read even. It was extremely emotional. I can't imagine how much effort both of you had to put into writing the poem to make it so wonderful! It's very amazing and soooo heartfelt, I can't even begin to explain how much you've touched me. Keep up the great work!!!! 5/5

I'm in tears that was extremely sad...well done the both of you!! That is so sad because this is true for sooooo many people..I think after parents go through a divorce, then re-marry or lose a wife or husband then re-marry they just dont even think about the kids's feelings...your portrayed your message very good , and for it not being written about either of you guys...this was excellent...rated no lower then a five!
-Krissey

When mommy asks, why you let me die
When she says, why the hell did you let her cry
Make sure she knows, it was for your profound love
And make sure you hold your head high

^^ I loved this stanza because children do feel like this and always throw their real mom or dad in the picture and the one who is remarried never realizes how a child hurts over the real parent.....I loved this poem it was sooooo sad though...You two brought tears to my eyes!
-Britt

Wow----im totally speechless----all I can say is amazing absolutly amazing---Im so sorry that its true though and that anyone would have to live this kind of life---5/5

5/5. Cant wait to see part 2..

~4ever

Your poem is deep and you mustcare for your sister, whose poems I will read hen I have time, but the one thing you should work on is not the emotions now but the grammar. Besides that, the poem seems to do it's job.

Aww what a sad poem. I'm sorry this happened. I hope your sister rests in peace, god bless her.

--Steph

P.s thanks for the comment on my poem.

Wow that was amazing. I can relate so much. amazing amzing job.

I loved reading your poems!

~~Retniapdoolb

Well done, keep writing, you and Jordan have talent
xxxxxx