Old Habits Die Hard

So ill sit and write a letter
Of how my life came to an end
When everything got to much to take
And my heart that i couldn't mend
Had to put on a smile that was fake
And pretend to be happy
Like everything was okay
All the pain hurts more and more
Each and everyday
Everything continues to break
Into a million pieces again
Just to much to try to go on for everybody else's sake
Way to many places I have been
I took this and turned to that
Till I found the one thing
And I don't even know where I'm at
Just to press down and feel the sting
The blood starts to flow
Isn't nothing like draining all this pain
Way better things than this of course I know
But its all okay
Lifes just a long painful game
That we never ever win
And theres no one else to blame
But to point at yourself
When you look in the bathroom mirror
And pull that bottle of pills off the shelf
Still nothing becomes any clearer
And you pick up that rusty razor
That you retired long ago
Just one more time you whisper into the silence
And the beauty of the blood as it flows
Down Your arm and drips off you finger tips
And thats when you feel the need to go
But the soft touch of tender lips
Might just save your soul
You make your way to the gun cabinet
And you take out a the beauty of what you want to do
Hold it up to your head
Just only if they really knew
That you wasn't really in bed
And the shot went off
Alarmed everybody in the house
The blood came up with a cough
And stained the white colored blouse