Locked inside my past

I'm scared about the future
and what it holds
the past just hurt me
don't know if it'll resurface

i want to be loved again
and try and find love
but i cant let go of the demons
trust is an issue

i want to just let go
be free from harm
enjoy the little things
and learn to live

expect the past still haunts me
and it is so fresh inside
i want the strings to be cut
that are attached to the pain

i want to let him hold me
even if its not for ever
i want him to kiss me
even if its just for fun

i don't want to be hurt
when he decides to leave
i want to tame my heart
be in control of how it feels

but all i keep thinking
is that its just like my family
its unstable, un loving
and going to bleed me dry

I'm so sick of crying endless tears
sick of feeling depressed
and wanting my life to be over
starving to feel alive

i want to just be happy
be content with me
let him in to my life
and have a no strings attached fling

my body an soul doesn't allow this
so I'm locked back up
forced to look out the window
at the better life