Okay that sounds just not really that great towards the end but it has this emotional quality that makes up for it. Has some strong imagery words that caught my attention and loved the beginning. Really strong there. Um...well not sure what else to say except that it depends on how it's based as a poem. Emotional level it's great otherwise it didn't really seem that great on the other side to me. So I'll judge on the emotional element.
~Faith-less