What do I want?

Hidden fantasies are in me now. Screaming, crying, begging to be let out. The thoughts of what I wish to do and be won't leave my head until I do it and become what these thoughts want me to become. Conforming to the wishes of these demonic thoughts are exactly what I need to resist. I can be strong in the face of it all and I can make it through without and mistakes. I have done it before, I can do it again the question is though to I want to give up my pleasure and my pain, just to be me again?