Corruption at its Best

I don't feel anything anymore.
Theres nothing left inside.
I wonder what the hell is wrong with me?
Can't feel regret, anger or even pride.
The numbness is overwhelming.
And I know that it isn't right.
I should be feeling something!
Tears are meaningless because theres nothing left to do at night.
Your someone I've never really liked.
Yes, I admit that you were a mistake.
Even though it lasted only a week.
My god, Was it such a waste.
But that was months ago.
And neither of us really cared.
I never stopped hating you.
Accepted it was wrong, It was fair.

And then like bullet to my spine.
You hit me hard, making holes in my chest
As when he broke my heart
I fell to self destructive behavior like all the rest
You invited me over to your place
"Come have a few drinks with me & Ian" You said.
Alcohol seemed so inviting.
How could I pass up a chance to forget?
It was alright for a few hours.
We all laughed & sipped our drinks.
You kept telling me to drink more.
God, Why didn't I stop to think?

My senses became blurred.
When I felt your lips press hard against my mouth.
I kissed you back, eager to forget him & all my doubt.
But ...things moved so fast.
Everything became a vibrant blur.
How did you get on top of me?
Why was my shirt on the floor?
Ants were crawling all over my flesh.
And I realized it was your dirty touch.
But my body refused to react
I should hate you oh so very much!

Incoherent ramblings
I was no longer in charge
But then again..
I don't think I ever really was.
When you started to slide off my skirt.
And I was laying in your bed half naked.
Warning bells sounded.
But I didn't know where I was..Did you think I was faking it?

Everything was spinning.
I started to panic & cry
Punching the air around me
"Who are you..Where the hell am I?!"
I think it was at this point you stopped.
And helped me get dressed.
I still wasn't sure what was going on.
A jumbled, frightened mess.
When I woke up this morning.
And the memories came flooding back.
Bits & pieces of distorted images.
Empathy was what I lacked.

I didn't feel guilt.
Or regret, not even shame.
I just laughed at myself.
For getting caught up in another game.
I realize now, How empty my soul is.
When you truly cease to feel.
When everything's been done before.
Theres nothing left to kill.
You take it because you have to.
And you don't even seem to care.
Because when you look inside yourself.
Theres nothing even there.

So laugh along with me & smile.
Even though your not sure why.
Knowing nothing can hurt you.
And theres no tears left to cry.
As I pour these sins out to you.
I know I'm evil & I confess.
Ladies and gentlemen.
This is corruption at its best.