I really liked your style of rhyming!! It tricked me at first, but once I saw how it worked, I really enjoyed it! It made it interesting and very different. What prompted you to write like that? What ever it was, it was a great idea.
No need to comment on one of my poems , I was just bored and decided to go comment on someone, and saw your thread. =D
Have a great day!
5/5

Samantha Hollywood

Great imagery. I read it a couple times just to fully appreciate your great use of words here. :)

The style was fine, absolutely nothing wrong with that.
I liked it, but didn't like it. I don't particularly favor poems that use lots of abstract to pull forth feeling, an overtone, or an idea. I like concrete majoritively. If concrete is mixed with abstract, like you do in your first stanza and last stanza very well, I like it. If you I gave you any tips I would say to try and not stray toward abstractness too much. Then you are calling upon the connotation of the word to pull forth something that may not be there.