Taking it Away

Lovely poem, I loved every single bit of it, it really touched me, the rhyming did seem forced in places but i still thought it was awesome
xxxxxx

Awww.. that was so sad! I can relate! The rhyme and flow were amazing! You did a really good job on this one! Keep it up!

Cayce x

I prefer this one to last one I read, 'Nameless', I think. It has more emotive language, and is a little more poignant, which is always important when writing a love poem.

Rhyme does sound a little forced here and there, but not a huge problem, and in honesty, I probably would have done it the same as you anyway.
I think this:
"Only if baby... you could understand."
would sound better if it was "if only you could understand", but again, I really don't think it makes much difference.

A great poem. You have a lot of potential as a poet. x

Going to go with...the rhyme didn't help you any. I read some of your other poems that didn't rhyme and think you should stick with that, or stick with the rhyme scheme, read some people whose rhymes were absolutely profound and complex, and try to copy them. Maybe you'll perfect rhyming one day and be better than anybopdy ever was, but as for now, I don't think it is your strong point. I don't think the love poem thing is your strong point either. I read two love poems and one poems about life, the stereo typed one. I think you should angle toward that a little more. I think if you ran with those ideas, expanded a little, added a huge tablespoon of practice, you could really go somewhere with it. Keep writing. Peace.

Wonderful poem , I loved how you started this off as well ....def. liked the second line :-) that was awesome! Beautiful poem over all!