Nice. Good job.

Has some emotional qualities that was interesting. Not exactly the best but it wasn't all too bad. The ending felt almost like a disappointment. But well some cool images were captured along with the emotions portrayed.
~Faith-less

I agree the ending was disappointing! The poem was good but i felt that the rhyme was a little forced through out the poem and therefore the poem lost it's ability to captivate! It was a good attempt but remember rhyming is not poetry, it's good but when used correctly! It can detract from the true emotions of the poem! Try write a poem from the heart, like a letter, it's honest and therefore the best poem you'll ever write! Don't worry about technique worry about truth and you might be suprised at how much you'll like it!