Enticing.. Its strange how some of the most beautiful things can be filled with sorrow

4/5
same reason as my previous comment.
~Emah

The ending is very sweet, indeed. I think you could use some cuts and edits; make it more poignant. Il ike the first stanza overall.

Now when you're doing the repeating things like

Time to die
Time to be reborn

I think you could remove the second 'Time' and it would work just as well, without the repetition.

While only the night counts time

I like the concept but night is hard to assign that kind of thing. Maybe use a different word, less conceptual. Maybe the moon; something concrete.

All the problems I had
Were nothing compared to now
The night sky a velvet blanket
The change is complete

The first two lines weren't bery poetic and could be expressed more subtley..

third line is pretty trite, but I think the image works -- maybe just say it more originally. there ya go!

I love it. Nice write indeed. Different from a lot of other poems I've seen. "Each breath is one for hope"
I have to say that's defidently my favorite line. Excellent job.

Hey --
Great job on this. The flow worked out well throughout the poem ;; it held a lot of emotion, depth, and imagery. Great job.
Much thanks for your comment on my poem.

Samantha Hollywood

'I scream in hate
I cry in pain'

these lines repeated in my head, after i had finished reading. great imagery!

keep 'em coming
jm... (p.s thanks for the comment) =))

You have a very unusual style. I think you wander a bit. I think you try to put to much into one poem. Not trying to hurt ur feeling. Just a couple of hints. I really liked it though.Reminds me of me

Nice poem!! Sounds like a transformation of one lover, after a pleasant time, into the other one. Given up individuality, own principles because of the love one of them felt, still feels, and suffers from.

"Day after day gone unnoticed
Lost in reverie of death"

This lines express that it is a one-sided love, an unnoticed lover, maybe because of his character. Lost in a reverie of death : a dream about death or maybe the wish to be dead after all.

best wishes
Insignia

Hey I really liked this poem. You portrayed loneliness so well. I also liked the structure and the flow. You write very well. I'm looking forward to read more from you. And thanks for your sweet words on Lonely Moon, I really appreciate it.

Best Wishes

Wow great poem. Very dark and beautiful. The words are extremely powerful in simple lines it really leaves an impact on the reader. Nothing seemed forced, just well thought out. Keep it up! xxx