I Kissed Away His Last Breath

I kissed away his last breath
It hung on my lips
with a taste of remorse
I heard my own apology

I remember walking down the hall
Damming my tears
until reality overflowed them
I wasn't numb
I was very much alive even though
my other half had drifted on
It was all too real

It was too early to remember
the silly things
Like the time he peed on my leg in the shower
or all the crude re-writes we did of songs
I only remember how he bleached all my shirts because I was wearing one

Time to go home to confront the kids
Gleaming little eyes like marbles
So harmless
So unaware
So expecting
I already missed my son's bright
"Hi Dad" in the mornings

I will teach them to slurp their soup
And laugh twice as hard at their mis-pronounced words
Tuck them in twice as tight
so they remember him and his love

I am already thinking about my hurt
Will it consume me?
Beat me?
Prostitute me?
Drug me?
Pull me from those I love?
Will it guilt me?
Stab me?
Char me?
Poke me?
Drive me?
Age me?
Will I be myself when acceptance grabs me?
Will they know me anymore?
Will I know me anymore?

I can still taste his breath on my lips
Like love past but never forgotten